As a mental health provider with one specialty focusing on survivors of intimate partner violence, the topic of “narcissist” is frequently brought up in session discussions. While there is a strong connection between abusive behavior and narcissistic traits, I think it is important to note that not everyone is a “narcissist.”
Origin of Narcissism
Let’s first start with the origin of the word “narcissist.” There is an old Greek myth that discusses the story of Echo and Narcissus. In the story Echo pines for Narcissus’s love, and he ultimately rejects her and falls in love with ‘himself’ by seeing his own reflection in the water, growing more and more infatuated.
He ends up denying himself basic human needs due to his growing love and infatuation with himself and eventually dies.
Diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In line with the origin of this word, the DSM-V has a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder which includes the following symptoms where one needs to possess at least five:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.
- Believes that they are “special” and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).
- Requires excessive admiration.
- Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations).
- Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
- Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes
Like any personality disorder, the symptoms listed above could be vaguely applied to various interpersonal experiences or situations, especially from an outsider versus an insider perspective. However, to give a truly accurate diagnosis, a clinician must look for long-term patterns of these that cause a significant impact on social-emotional functioning. This diagnosis carries a great deal of stigma but has the same origins as the other personality disorders, a combination of genetics, negative parenting, and traumatic childhood experiences.
Stigma and Labeling are Harmful
With that stigma, labeling friends, family members, or even ex-partners as “narcissists” can be incredibly damaging and have lasting negative effects on the person or the relationship. Without knowing the true symptomatology and the extent of evaluations and data clinicians use to provide an accurate diagnosis, this is not a term to label someone or to use casually.
Aside from the diagnostic side of it, the term “narcissist” is thrown loosely around social media, the internet, and journal articles, and has now become the instantaneous label that one may give to an ex-partner, family, friend, teacher, etc. if they had negative experiences in the relationship or basic interactions.
When people throw mental health diagnosis terms around loosely to describe everyday occurrences, nuances, and negative behaviors within themselves, they further increase the stigmas associated with mental illness and further inhibit access to much-needed mental health resources. With greater stigma comes greater shame and less visibility. Just as discourse has occurred around the damaging effects of saying “I have an obsessive-compulsive disorder” when you enjoy cleaning, or “I am bipolar” when you experience a change in mood or feeling, it is just as damaging to label someone a narcissist without knowing the depth of the diagnosis.
When you use this term without knowing what it truly denotes as far as symptoms and behaviors, you could be creating serious interpersonal relationship issues and gravely affecting someone’s self-esteem and self-worth about themselves. If someone is already struggling to view themselves positively, this could incur even more serious consequences like suicidal ideation and self-harm. So if you are not properly trained to assess symptoms, and behavioral patterns, and conduct full personality disorder evaluations, you should not be using this term to remark about someone’s behavior.
I think we can all relate to a social experience or a past relationship where the person we were in a relationship with may have engaged in narcissistic behaviors, but it is important to understand the true meaning of the word, the full spectrum of the diagnosis, and the damage that can occur from using this term loosely.
Conclusively, everyone can emulate narcissistic traits in situations where it’s difficult to empathize, or when we are preoccupied with wealth and a stress-free life, but that does not mean we are narcissists or have narcissistic personality disorder. So, I ask that you use the same consciousness and mindful awareness placing a label onto someone that refers to a serious mental illness if you are not a trained mental health professional and are merely remarking on behaviors that emulate self-centeredness, a lack of empathy, etc.
