Is workplace conflict inevitable?
Wherever there are humans gathered for extended time periods, we know that in-person interactions will result in disagreements. At the typical workplace, water-cooler discussions regarding, say, recipes or the weekend football game can be interesting, even enlightening, with different viewpoints.
At another level, however, disagreements among co-workers can degenerate into conflicts that cause tension and ill feeling, and even affect productivity.
Boundaries as a Solution for Workplace Conflict
Is there a solution? In my experience as a therapist and social worker, the answer is yes. And it lies in knowing boundaries.
In my case, co-workers would often recruit me for personal development advice. This could easily turn into an impromptu therapy session, often having to do with office gossip. It is human nature to want to please your co-workers, and so I found myself making my way through awkward conversations. The experiences felt frustrating and unprofessional.
As I progressed in my career, I begin to analyze these situations from multiple angles. I realized that as a therapist, many people I interacted with professionally thought that I was at their disposal. And, in my desire to please my co-workers, I was allowing this.
At this point, I realized the importance of boundaries. I was enforcing them only for my clients.
When our Inner Child Comes out to Play
In graduate school, some of my work focused on human behavior in the social environment as well as psychological development for parents in dealing with children. I now thought of the usefulness of this knowledge in adult-based interactions as well. Our “inner children” are visible in our everyday interactions as adults.
What if we treated adult interactions based on the concept of inner children communicating through adult bodies?
Take a situation that many readers have experienced: The co-worker who continuously dumps their tasks onto you. Now, compare that co-worker to a child who refuses to do homework. Without proper rules or structure in place, the well-meaning parent may end up taking on most of the child’s homework assignments and responsibilities.
The result is a frustrated parent and a child robbed of a proper education. Similarly, the adult co-worker who gets you to perform his tasks will become inadequate at their job. Instead of learning to master tasks and build confidence, the employee becomes co-dependent, crippled by his own inabilities.
Think of the parent who enables the child and engages in “permissive” parenting. Realize that if you treat your co-workers too closely as friends, with little to no boundaries in place, trying to ensure they are happy 100% of the time, the result will be just as counterproductive as enabling negative behaviors from a child.
Parenting Styles to Tame Workplace Conflicts
Take a look at the graph above.
There are four parenting styles, which include permissive, neglectful, authoritative, and authoritarian. A brief synopsis of all four can be summarized by the following:
- The Permissive style equals zero boundaries. While there are interactions with the children, there are no rules, no structures in place, and no forms of discipline. Children are free to do whatever they want whenever they want.
- The Neglectful style is like permissive with no boundaries but is a much stronger version because there is no involvement in the child’s life in conjunction with no boundaries.
- The Authoritarian style is the malevolent dictatorship of parenting. There is zero regard for the child’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences and it is exclusively punishment-based.
- The Authoritarian style encourages open communication, cohesiveness, and clear expectations. The approach fosters independence and individual empowerment. You are involved with your children but in just the right amount. And there are firm boundaries around when it is unnecessary or detrimental to be involved.
The best style for the workplace is the authoritative parenting style. With such an environment, you and your co-workers work together to solve issues, rather than resort to recriminations. And when a mistake is made, critical thinking and collaboration will result in a positive outcome.
Authoritarian Style Offers the Best Interaction
If a co-worker at your workplace crosses a boundary, creating a less professional and more personal relationship, you can learn to use the authoritative parenting model to redirect them to other resources that provide the desired assistance.
For example, if you have a co-worker coming into your office to talk about another co-worker’s miscarriage, this is an excellent opportunity to set a boundary and redirect the conversation. In the process, you may validate and acknowledge the co-worker’s feelings about the subject as they may feel sorry for the other co-worker, but you don’t need to encourage continued conversation about the subject.
This approach is the most efficient way to create healthy, professional relationships that allow for all parties in a workplace to grow without stagnation from unresolved conflict.
Conflict is inevitable, yes. And how you handle the conflict will pave the way for a successful work environment.
