Motherhood is never an easy task, but with the rise of social media, it has become harder to parent.
As we continue through the winter season, a common post resurfaces throughout social media. “If you see a child without a winter coat on, please do not assume the mother does not provide adequate winter clothing for her child. Winter coats are not safe in car seats, and transferring from car seat to place is sometimes quick enough that it doesn’t warrant the process of putting on the coat before entering a warm place.”
As a mother, my first question is, “Why does this automatically warrant judgment followed by an explanation?” Followed by, “Why are mothers constantly having to explain themselves?”
Well, the truth is that it is a combination of factors: Endless opportunities for information are provided by the internet and social media platforms in conjunction with a carefully curated mentality of “perfect parenting” by younger generations of mothers (Generation Z, Millennials, and some Generation X’ers).
The Globalization of Motherhood
The internet is both a blessing and a curse. We now have information instantly available to us at our fingertips which has streamlined the way the world receives and processes information. New discoveries and research have become more efficient making us more productive and accurate in our abilities and findings. Whatever we are looking for as mothers whether it is validation for a decision made through a social media influencer’s Instagram post or information on the latest and greatest parenting research, we will find it, easily.
If you’re like me, you find a lot of random parenting advice on Instagram reels or videos. I follow two child psychologists for most of my parenting research!
But what if there are contradicting philosophers out there? What if there are multiple experts with conflicting messages?
And this, my friends, is the juxtaposition that is endless conflicting information vs. the perfect parenting mentality of mothers. Yes, this does affect fathers too, and parents in general, but the motherhood role that includes the invisible mental load, roughly 90% of American mothers experience exclusively. This invisible load includes emotional labor spent on researching the ‘best’ parenting practices.
You can weatherproof with or without a winter coat, but you can’t trauma or stress-proof your kid, and that is OK, Mama
It can feel overwhelming to mothers because of the conflicting information out there and the mounting pressure to be a perfect parent. A lot of this pressure comes from the culture of new parents wanting to be the generation that stops the same traumas from happening that came from previous, maladaptive parenting practices of older generations.
There is this fear and anxiety around causing our children to experience emotional and physical trauma due to the trauma and distress we experienced as children that still affects us. Some of these effects include the inability to cope with distressing emotions or experiences, poor communication, negative relationship behaviors and even generational substance abuse.
Love, Unconditionally
Despite the wealth of information and opinions out there. The ultimate factor that it boils down to is if you know in your heart your children feel loved and safe without conditions placed on them.
The goal isn’t to be the most “perfect” parent that is akin to these social media platforms with organic chicken nugget advertisements or gentle parenting workshops but to do our best and ensure our children know we are there for them.
